gloomy

What a waste of time. I have always taken time for granted. I don't know how it came to me, but my priorities have changed a lot. Time and money are inching towards the top of my list; I'm not going to waste my time and money on little things I do for others anymore. At least, not as much.

I think what made me change my priorities around was that one person who appreciate my will to work for my own money; earn a lot, but don't care much for it. That one person who appreciated this in me is no longer someone that I care about- or what they think of me.

I always thought to myself the more time you put into it, the better it will be in the end. This is true unless the outside variable changes, something that is out of your control. It taunts and lures you in, adding you to their collection of just mere choices, and then discards you whenever they want. Your time spent on them is irrelevant.

I was always very clear of the situation and also very clear of the type of person I was dealing with. I was played the fool once before and it was already one too many times. But for me to let it happen again... There is only one thing that can make people so stupid and ignorant.
I knew I saw quicksand and I merrily walked right into it. Twice.

I don't play games to lose or strike a tie. I'm competitive and I crave to win. I feel like I have to win even if that means cheating, putting others at stake, or causing hurt to myself for the short-term.
Especially if it was myself who brought it onto me. There is no one else to blame.

And so, it begins...

What are my priorities...
Is it better to keep the friend that I once valued so much and forgive him- let him back into my life and face the hurt head on? Or be selfish and let him suffer the pain of losing someone?